July has been a busy month! There has been lots of birthdays including my husband’s and outings to go with them too. I’ve also managed to fit in a concert and a mini break to Cornwall so I haven’t really given chemo a chance to get to me.
I’ve felt pretty good really. Maybe just a little tired especially in Cornwall last week. Up until then I hadn’t really had chance to stretch my walking legs beyond up and down the stairs in our house, so meandering around the local harbour towns got me a little out of puff.
I’m suffering a bit this week though. I’ve developed a really strong metallic taste in my mouth which makes all my food taste crap, I’ve felt a bit sick, my stomach is not happy and I have really strange neuralgia types pains in my left leg in particular and burning in my hands and feet. I’m not sure if the pains are linked to chemo though as 5FU doesn’t tend to affect the nerve endings. It could be linked to my kidney function which has dropped to 16% since my surgery or my anaemia. It could also be because I’ve had the chance to stop and mentally I’ve allowed myself to feel a bit shit rather than push it away. A bit like when you work your butt off all year and the minute you step outside the office on annual leave, you get hit with illness.
Despite this week, the last few chemo weeks has led me to a decision…maybe it’s time I went back to work? How do I know that I’m ready? Well, I’m getting to the stage where cabin fever has well and truly set in and not having a ‘normal’ working life is sending me a little crazy. I don’t have a routine at the moment and it’s getting harder to find a reason to get out of bed each day and I feel that I need that sense of purpose, so maybe that’s a sign? The extra income would also be a big bonus as it’s getting harder to live on one wage and the tight arse benefits that I’m entitled to. Seriously, how do people live their lives on it?
I have a job interview this week doing a similar role to what I was doing before I fell ill. Whatever the outcome, it’s a positive step forward although a scary one. I do feel nervous about being back in a working environment especially with the new plumbing changes to my body. I’m confident I can do this though, I just need to give myself a firm shove in the right direction and remind myself of how well I’ve done so far.
I know it won’t be easy but hey, nothing about the last 9 months has been easy. Now where did I put those brave girl pants again?